Simply Jessica's Life

Jessica's Life… nothing more– nothing less.

January 4, 2017

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My Heart Breaks

Tonight, my heart is breaking…

A little before Christmas you saw me post about my Lights For Elijah.  It wasn’t the best of the light displays I saw posted for this wonderful little boy (and his family) as they celebrated Elijah’s favorite holiday.

Before Christmas, the medical professionals told this family that their little boy might not live long enough to see another Christmas.  He defied that timeline and survived to see his favorite holiday.  In fact, he didn’t just make it through Christmas but he made it through New Year’s eve and New Years day!

If you go over to Momsvlog80‘s YouTube channel–  you can watch her daily vlogs (she’s been vlogging for years) and you can see the stories she shares.  She doesn’t just vlog about their journey with cancer.  She also vlogs about her daily life and life with autism.  Her husband vlogs with her.  Her husband will always make sure you know what national day it is (and there are some crazy ones).  Her other son will light up your day with a joke as well!

New Year’s was a hard to day watch for her and her family.  Let me tell you… as a CNA I have held the hands of many family members as they come to terms with their loved ones going through the process of death.  I have held the hand and spoke to people in their last days while I completed care of them.  I’ve been the one to wake a family when their loved one has passed away… I’ve been the last person someone sees (as they pass in front of you).  It’s never easy.  But I couldn’t imagine how hard it is to have to watch your CHILD go through this.  This family has had to watch their energetic, happy little boy become overwhelmed with tumors that grow so fast that there isn’t any treatment options left.  I tell you, this little boy’s cancer is growing so fast that it really look like they are changing by the day (maybe even by the hour).  As I watch, I can’t imagine the strength of Melody, Ronnie, and Cayden.  To be able to do nothing but watch and provide as much comfort as they can.  To make sure he feels loved through the exhaustion.  To make sure he knows that his family knows it’s “okay” for him to go– if he has to.  The strength that Elijah has shown through the entire process– even as of lately.  Even when the doctor’s tell them the odds are poor.  He still continues to fight.

As the days pass– things are looking more and more like the time left for the world to have Elijah is getting shorter and shorter.  The time for Elijah to have his complete and total healing in heaven, watching over his family is getting closer.   As each day passes and I read the latest updates from Melody on the FaceBook page or on her vlog, my heart breaks a little more for each one of them.  No parent should have to make the decisions they have had to make.  No parent should have to watch this slow and tragic end.  No brother should have to watch his brother go through this.  No family should have to miss their youngest child!  I check my phone often (because that’s where I get most of my FaceBook updates) so I can see what is happening.  Not because I like to “watch” a family’s suffering… but because each day has handed them a new challenge and although I personally am not a praying person (at this point), I do send out my positive thoughts and energy to their family and aim those positive thoughts in a manner for what they are going through.

There have been lots of challenges in addition.  When you are a public figure– you get a lot of feedback, both good and bad.  As a parent, I wouldn’t dare say they have made a wrong choice for their child.  Elijah has been able to assist with many decisions made throughout.  They honestly gave him the BEST life possible.  He has been on trips that I don’t think anyone thought would be possible.  But this family made it happen.  He has so many memories– and it probably extended his life so much more.  So, I ask that if you do follow over to the links, that no one that watches or reads would say anything less than what you would want to hear yourself.  Say kind words– say prayers– send positive thoughts– offer hugs.

There isn’t anything I can say that can make it easier for this family… but I do send my positive thoughts/energy daily.  This family occupies my mind often.  I wish I could do more for them– but I know that there isn’t anything that I can do for them aside from offer everything positive I can.  Besides being there to give support when I can (which you know, we don’t know each other personally so online is the only way I can offer any support).  To offer the warms that someone is “here” for them.  To let them know that I couldn’t begin to understand what they are going through– but I am here with what little I do understand through my experiences.

So, as my heart breaks– I send out positive energy to the Mainville family.  If you ever need anything– please reach out.  I will certainly be an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on (although I know you have many).  Much love for you all!

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