As a teenager, I battled with an eating disorder (anorexia). I’ve spent the rest of my life in “recovery” for that same eating disorder. My “recovery” has been strongly aided by the fact that as a young adult I developed hypoglycemia. Now, I was never a large teenager. In fact, I was probably always falling into the “underweight” category. But at 15, I weighed in at about 50 lbs. By the time I was 16 (when I went to my first doctor’s appointment for my pregnancy) I weighed in at 99 lbs.
I spent much of my adult life with an enormous pressure to stay as thin as possible. It was during my first pregnancy that I developed my hypoglycemia. Which meant, that even when I had the urge to return to that life I couldn’t. Not how I had before. But when you heard such things as:
“You are so fat… you weren’t fat when I met you.” (I was maybe 130 lbs at 5 foot 2 inches and had three kids.)
“There isn’t a reason why you can’t fit into the pre-adult sized pants like prior to Laura… all you have to do is work out” (When my hop bones had spread so even when I was thinner… and lower than pre-pregnancy weight… than my hip bones, they wouldn’t fit.)
When standing in my bathroom in almost nothing after a shower “You are so overweight it’s disgusting”. (I was at my highest weight then at 150 lbs… and it crashed my world at that point. I had been put on numerous birth controls because of complications with them and had gained weight on the depo shot… so that he wouldn’t have to be burdened with anymore children. I had three healthy kids… I was still within a year of having my youngest. I then went through the permanent procedure of having my tubes tied but that started hormone problems within a year as well.
But fast forward to current day situation. I’m now even larger than the 150 lbs that, in my head, is “disgusting”. Now, I do want to go on record as saying… I don’t look at that number on anyone else and think “oh, you’re over 150 lbs… you’re disgusting”. I just think that it’s a completely internal thing. That doesn’t mean that at my 180 lbs that I comfortable AT ALL. In fact, I am so uncomfortable with where I am now. But just saying that I’m uncomfortable with it doesn’t grant me the mind frame to feel comfortable with my weight at all. It also doesn’t help me lose any of that weight to feel better overall. So, I’m going to get started on this!! Let’s restart this healthier lifestyle :-).
As I mentioned, I currently weight 180 lbs at this point. My goal weight is 110 lbs. I am 5 foot 2 inches tall. I have to work on making these changes slowly though! The healthier lifestyle just hasn’t been an easy change for me. I don’t like how healthier food tastes. I don’t like the uncomfortable change when my body is craving my normal, unhealthy food. I don’t like the feeling that I’m hungry– that no matter what protein I eat, doesn’t cure.
On the flip side, I don’t like the extra painful joints, the shortness of breath, the heart palpitations, and various other issues. I understand that given my overall health, this will not make all my pain better. But hopefully I will connect to some people on the MyFitnessPal and it will help me stay more accountable!
For the first part of my health journey, I am just going to start simple. I’m going to be tracking– but not limiting my calories. I just want to get a good look at where I am starting. Then I am going to be walking at least 1 mile per day (in addition to everyday normal activities) 3 times a week. This might have to be done in the morning or in the evening. I would love to be able to incorporate running as well. But I definetly don’t want to do the C25K (couch to 5K) program. I tend to give up on it. I just need something where I can give myself a location I can see and then aim for it. Not where I’m looking at a timer. That visual distance worked very well for me in the past and I think I’m going to try it again!
Eventually, I will share with you my calorie goals as well as if I accomplished them. I will share with you my workout details. I will share with you my progress (or even set backs). Because I am just doing a “starting point” this week– I don’t really have goals. This is my ideas for this week:
Track Calories In Normal Diet Habits:
Increase Excersice (1 deliberate mile per day, 3 times a week)
This week will be good for learning where I am currently. It will also serve as the beginning of getting into a habit of working out. Plus, find me on MyFitnessPal!